I Cried Today: A Raw Reflection on My Makeup Artist Journey

The picture above is so different from what I chose as the featured image for this post—taken less than 24 hours apart. Today, I was bawling my heart out. And honestly, I’m still crying as I write this. It all started with a TikTok video that hit me right in the feels.

Lately, I’ve been so busy doing makeup for models (unpaid, by the way) for content creation. I thought I’d have enough content to post every day. Everyone keeps saying, “Content is key, blablabla.” But let me tell you, it’s hard. It’s really hard to push myself, to focus for even just an hour.

I’m homesick. I haven’t even told my dad that I’ve resigned from my job to pursue makeup full-time. I know he can sense it, though. He worries so much about me. That TikTok video? It could’ve been me. That’s exactly what he would’ve said if he knew. My mum has told me multiple times, “Come home if you’re tired. Don’t be shy, don’t be too proud. We’ll figure something out here.”

And I’m just… homesick. Really, really homesick. I want to be a kid again—playing with my parents, going to the mall, getting scolded for running around like a maniac. Kissing them goodnight before bed. Having food on the table, planning our next holiday. Cuddling with the dogs.

The Struggles of Starting a Makeup Business

Makeup is slow right now. I don’t get many inquiries, and I’ve seen others thriving while I feel stuck. I blame myself constantly—for not working hard enough, for not trying hard enough, for not spending enough money. “I should’ve invested in this. I should’ve taken that course. Maybe then I’d get more inquiries. I need to buy this for hair, that for hair. I should invest in better lighting, this platform, that bag…”

I’m not confident with my hair skills. Despite all the practice, I still haven’t achieved the results I want. My makeup? I’ve been getting praise, but I stupidly tell myself, “They’re just being polite.” Impostor syndrome never leaves, apparently.

I’ve tried running ads, but I don’t think they’re good enough. But what is good? I don’t even know anymore. I’ll keep trying, but it takes money. And right now, I’m filled with regrets—why did I buy all those things I don’t even use anymore? Why do I have hundreds of perfumes that give my partner a headache? Why do I keep wanting new stuff? Do I even need it?

I’m really trying to cut back on shopping, and I feel like what I’ve been buying are things I actually need. But I could’ve used that money for A/B testing. I have a background in digital marketing, but it’s a different league now. I used to work with organisations that had thousands to spend weekly. My monthly budget for one client was at least $20K. Now? I’m figuring out how to make things work with just $100 from my last makeup session. I feel like I'm just keep trying to give myself excuse to feel sh*t.

The Emotional Rollercoaster of Being a Makeup Artist

My partner fully supports me, but I feel like I’m disappointing him and just making a mess everywhere. Maybe I’m just being impatient. It’s only been the first month of me starting full-time as a makeup artist, and I’ve already booked three brides. That’s pretty crazy, right? But I keep overlooking that fact. I'm so impatient. Why?????

I feel like I can’t live on this income. Maybe I should get a “proper” job and do this part-time. But I know that’s a spiral. I’ve always closed deals with those who reach out—I know sales, and I know I do a good job. But it’s hard when no one inquires. Then again, three brides in the first month? See, it’s a never-ending loop of thoughts.

Pricing and Self-Worth

Dear clients, if you’re reading this, believe me—I think about pricing all the time. I try to keep my prices as low as possible. I wonder if they’re too high, or just right. Am I being a burden? Do I deserve to get paid this much? I always try to offer free trials or something valuable because I’m a customer too. I just want the best for everyone, but it’s tough in this economy. Everything is so expensive, and it’s another spiral in my head.

If I want to make a living or share my passion, I have to find a balance. I’m a giver, 100%. I don’t think twice when someone asks for freebies.

The Supportive MUA Community

Other makeup artists have been incredibly supportive. It’s an amazing, uplifting community. They share their work, praise each other openly, and collaborate without hesitation. I’ve done a lot of collabs with other MUAs, and it’s always such a vibe. They tell me where they get clients and offer advice. Despite all this support, I still feel like I’m not enough. But I’ll always do my best to lift them up, just like they do for me.

The Mask of Positivity

I always try to be positive—happy, bubbly, cheerful Inez. That’s how I brand myself, and that’s how I show up for my clients. But I’m still human. I don’t get satisfied easily, and it’s never enough. I blame myself for complaining and beating myself up, but I don’t know how to climb out of this dark hole.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. This is my truth, raw and unfiltered. Maybe someone out there feels the same way.